Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13
Forgiveness is one of the most central and essential elements of the Christian life. And it’s also one of the most difficult.
I think one of the biggest stumbling blocks to forgiving other people is the feeling that they need to express remorse or repentance before it’s possible. What they did was wrong. Unjust. Maybe even brutal. And they need to admit it and ask for my forgiveness before I can give it.
It sounds logical. Fair even.
But it completely misses the heart of forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t start with the other person. It starts with you and Jesus.
Forgiveness is far more about your response to the gospel than it is about the repentance of the person who hurt you. It’s about believing that the cross of Jesus Christ is a sufficient payment. Not only for everything you’ve done. But also for everything that’s been done to you. It’s about daring to believe the sometimes scary but unchangeable truth: Jesus Christ loves and died for the person who hurt you just as much as He loves and died for you. No exceptions.
Repentance isn’t the necessary prerequisite to forgiveness. Jesus’ blood is. This truth sets you free to rid yourself of the weight of what’s been done to you. Their sin against you has already been punished on the cross. There’s no need to punish yourself by carrying it any further while waiting for them to make the first move.
Reliving what someone did to you won’t make it better. Hating them won’t make it better either.
The person that’s really being hurt by you withholding your forgiveness isn’t the offender. It’s you. Refusing to forgive someone until they ask for it is like refusing to breathe to prove a point.
It is only going to harm you in the end.
