And if you can’t mean it, you need to find another job.

I have this philosophy about people who answer the phones for organizations. I think they should be sharp and happy and peppy and kind.

So when I called a Christian university this morning to wish one of our church members who is employed there a happy birthday, you can imagine my surprise when Marge Simpson’s sister Selma answered the phone. For you poor misguided people who don’t watch or approve of The Simpsons, Selma is a grumpy DMV worker who smokes 10 packs of cartoon cigarettes a day.

And I don’t think the person who answers the phone at a university, much less a Christian university, should sound like I interrupted them watching Jerry Springer when I call.

I’m not even talking about calling Delta and being on for 15 minutes all so you can finally speak to someone who you’ll have to ask to repeat themselves over and over because you can only make out only third word.

That’s another rant. And I suppose organizations of that size are dealing with problems that I can’t possible comprehend.

I’m just talking about businesses, churches, and other institutions needing to make sure that the first voice (imagine that, a real live voice when you call) you hear is the voice of an intelligent, articulate, informed individual.

And if you operate a switchboard, don’t cut me off and transfer my call before you know what I want. I don’t want to spend an hour of my day being your personal ping pong ball… bounced around back and forth, back and forth because nobody knows who can answer the question I’m asking.

So, in summary, we’ve decided that phone answerers need to be:

1. Pleasant and upbeat
2. Knowledgeable and helpful

If you would like to hear a real live example of my idea of how phones should be answered, call our offices today. Heather or Larry will make you feel like a million bucks.